School Diaries: Sell Yourself

“Sell Yourself.”

It is the word that my professors all points out after the first three days of the second term. For all those who’ve been my friend or my study buddy, I bet you know how much I’ve always loved acquiring life lessons from my teachers ever since. In fact, my notes include these acquired lessons maybe because I have a hard time retaining the facts and personally think I can’t apply the facts in my every day life (although they would be of help to my future) which however, these lessons does. I only get to absorbed things I know will be of help to my every day living or the one that does interest me the most. Reality spilled! :P

I have two professors who actually did an assessment thing (without our knowledge that it’s actually assessment. lol) since it’s the first time that they are going to handle my batch. The first professor asked us to tell what we think our strengths and weaknesses are while the second one asked us to state our unique selling proposition. I was amazed by how they asked us to do this thing, seriously, but at the back of my mind, I already know that there must be a reason why are they asking all this stuffs. The first question, I answered with  I am good at Math and that I have a blog BUT my weakness is my grammar. For everyone’s info, I love English since elementary but the subject itself doesn’t love me back and Math for me is just a neutral subject and it was not until college that I appreciate that I’m good in Math. lol. But seriously if there’s one thing I can wish I’m good at aside from Math, I’d choose to be good in English Grammar so that I don’t have to consult my brother for construction of sentences or to check my grammar and that people can appreciate my writing more. The second answer I gave and I bet only few people know about me is that I’m very OC (obsessive-compulsive) when it comes to cleanliness and orderliness because it really bothers me A LOT especially when I have to do homework and the workplace is really untidy so the tendency is I clean and organize things before I do school works. I do not see this as weakness or disorder in any way because I think people have just mistaken that we do this on purpose because it bothers us that much and maybe for some, they tease OC people because it’s their way to excuse themselves. Agree with me, OCs? Haha!  Anyway, there are different kind of OC people I’m just dealing with people OC at cleanliness and order.

Going back to the assessment thing, what my professor means by saying “Sell Yourself” is to trust yourself with what you do and believe that you’re doing great at it so the results would follow the same. Simply, it’s going out of the comfort zone, taking risks and being confident. Because based on what my professors said, what awaits us outside is very competitive and  that confidence will help us go a long, long way.

To be honest  I, myself, was never a follower of this saying. You can probably tell me that I am confident, risk-taker, etc. but NO I oppose you. Not because I write things from my mind through this blog doesn’t mean that I am confident in expressing myself. Think about this, why would I mind blogging if I can fully express myself personally, right? And oftentimes when people tell me “Hey, I’ve read your blog!” or “You’re good at blogging,” I feel embarrassed (lol) although they tell me that I should feel proud about myself that someone out there is reading my blog and finds that I’m good at it.

But hey, let me clarify that even though I’m not that so much proud of myself, I am still and always will feel grateful from my hypothalamus (Haha!) to those people who takes time reading my virtual diary. Sending so much good vibes! <3

In school, I seldom raise my hand and recite or if I would recite I’d do that in chorus then the professor will ask me to repeat and I would then take back what I said (or I guess just starting this term that I become so shy and I don’t even know why. lol) And one more thing, do you know I can’t walk alone in the hallway or somewhere? Or if you see me that I’m alone walking, you’ve probably observe how fast how I am walking or  how I walked looking down. ALWAYS. See? I’m never really that confident. If I could asked somebody for anything, I’d choose to have their confidence (if just really possible). I always admire people who really have the confidence in anything because they can fully express themselves (which I can’t personally.)

By the way, I know how much you missed my blogging because that’s almost 2 weeks and same goes with me but I really think this post is very long already so maybe that’s it for now. Yes, this blog post is to urge you (and myself) to build that confidence we’ve probably lost because of circumstances that we have felt humiliated. My professor added that there’s nothing to be shy at, since the things we do in any day, we are not going to remember 3-5 years from that day. So let us start selling ourselves, shall we? :)

With loving thoughts,
♡Keeyeh

To The Broken Ones

Things are really hard for you to swallow right now but don’t be too hard on yourself. Let things fall to its respective places slowly in God’s perfect time. Recovery doesn’t really need to be fast but you also don’t have the right to stuck yourself to what’s bringing you down as it will bring you only to your self-destruction. If you need to talk with that person to clarify things, go ahead. If you need to stalk him on twitter and the girl he’s eyeing on, go ahead. If you need to restrict him from seeing your facebook profile, go ahead. If you know that these things will make you feel better, then go for it.

I must admit that the past few months of mine have been really inspiring because I make it so. When people ask me about my motivation, I’ve never doubted that the answer is me, myself. It has always been an internal motivation. I assume things to be on my side even though reality says it wasn’t because I was blinded by my thoughts. Am I to be blame if the only thing I want is to be inspired so that I can pull things together? Maybe, not. For some people, the case is very different. Their being broken is caused by another person’s doing or a specific situation that hinders them to cope with the environment.

So you see, the two points I mentioned above are different but either way, it has caused a feeling of being broken. I, myself, have no step-by-step solution about these things although I try as much as possible to go against what I am feeling. You have to have your feelings reversed while making yourself still feel better. You can restrict them from seeing your profile and yet you can still constantly check theirs. It’s like a sweet revenge with a treat for yourself. :P Meanwhile, in the process of recovering, you will lose some people because of your acts. Be aware of that! Maybe, some have been a long time friend, a new friend who’s  trying to make it up to you or someone you admire, you will and will lose people. If you will ask me, I can’t count how many people I’ve lost in finding myself. Sometimes, I regret the acts I did but sometimes I think, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, because if it weren’t for the act, how can I recover? It’s like a test of a relationship, you find out who is ever willing to stick with you in your finest times.

Sure thing, moving on was never easy. It will never be. You will still remember everything about the person. You will still constantly check upon him. That’s why I said, don’t rush it. You have to simply let the flow of memories of him circulate in all parts of you because it is and it is in that moment that you will be ever be proud of his’ memories with you because the next time, it will be different. The words that will mark that you have truly moved on is when you utter words that is sign of bitterness but somehow truth of what you really see him. You’re going to say “He’s not that handsome.”, “He doesn’t have abs.”, “He isn’t even smart.” and others. It is because you have stopped being in love with his memories and how he made you feel.

If the relationship didn’t work out, there just two possible answer I could come up with. First, the person didn’t really love you in the first place because to love is to seek no explanation, to seek no return, and to have the person accepted completely that you don’t see the flaws anymore. Second, the person isn’t just not meant for you. When you loose something, there’s always something better that’s coming. Rejections and failure are preparations that will always lead to the final point, God’s plan for you.

To sum things up, I guess, we are only to be blame if things aren’t working out already and we are still doing nothing about it. We are only to be blame when we let ourselves drown from our own self-imprisonment. Destroy what is that destroying you. Do not carry the baggage that will not lead to your self-improvement, as we are human beings, and are driven by our nature of the constant change. Walk slowly but never walk backwards.

With loving thoughts,
♡Keeyeh